Running is therapy; lifting is empowering.

I refuse to complete a traditional half marathon training program for this half-marathon that I'm running in November. I guess you could say I'm going with what some might say is running "YOLO" style. I just can't bring myself to doing long, boring runs for the next 12ish weeks. It just isn't gonna happen. I will get bored and my knees will scream at me daily. It will make work miserable as a physical education teacher considering I'll be on my feet moving for at least 80% of my day. I just can't bring myself to doing all these steady state cardio runs and burning through muscle. Yes, I'm not willing to sacrifice my muscle that I've been trying really hard to gain.

So, what am I going to do? I'm gonna follow a typical lifting plan and incorporate HIIT runs with at least one long run a week. I've already tested my endurance last week and I'm able to run almost 8 miles with no problem and only finishing 2 minutes behind my race pace. The half marathon is 13.1 miles on November 16. I'm not worried about traditional training -- at all.

Why the title of this post?
Well, it is the exact reason why I won't give up running for good -- even though my knees would probably prefer it. And it is the reason I won't stop lifting to focus on running. To me, there is no better time to reflect on how I feel and what is going on in my life than heading out the front door with my iPod on my arm and sneakers hitting the pavement one step at a time. It is my therapy. It is my drug. I absolutely refuse to give into today's society where it is pills, pills, and more pills to deal with the stresses of life. Sometimes I get really down, but I don't want anti-depression pills to be my crutch. A lot of the time I get really anxious over the unknown (the future, money, everything), and I refuse to take anti-anxiety pills to help me deal with my issues. WHY? Because I want to feel everything. I want to be human. Also, because I get my mind sorted out when I walk into the gym and put iron in my grip or head out the front door with nothing but pavement to guide my heart. THAT is my pill. That is my drug. And until that stops working for me, I will not be going to get on pills. I dare any of you reading this to start running or lifting for 12 weeks (especially when you're stressing out) and not have it change your life. I love knowing that if I were to ever be faced with a life or death situation I would be able to at least put up a good fight because I'm healthy and strong. Thank you, exercise, for empowering me with those feelings.

Anyway, this week I started the Erin Stern Elite Body 4 week Trainer. So far I like it I think. I joined a challenge on bodybuilding.com that lasts for 6 weeks in order to keep myself motivated. The top female winner has a grand prize of $12,500 and it was free to enter. So I figured I had nothing to lose (except inches and fat) and everything to gain (muscle, money, and/or food).

Today's training was a cardio/abs day. It was an interval day for 30 minutes but she wasn't specific about what intervals you had to do. So I had fun with the treadmill. Fun & treadmill don't usually go hand in hand in the same sentence, but you don't have to be boring when you're at the gym!! This is what today's workout looked like for the cardio portion:

5 minute bike warm up
0-1 minute walk on treadmill speed 4.0
1-11 minutes 30 seconds on 30 seconds off sprints. First 5 minutes speed 10 second 5 minutes speed 10.5
11-25 minutes incline at 5% jog/walk 1 minute walk speed 4.0 1 minute jog race pace (speed 6.0)
25-25:30 minutes return to flat at a walk speed 4.0
25:30-30 minutes jog slightly faster than race pace speed 6.5
30-35 minutes cool down walk at speed of 3.5

I felt really good after this workout! It went quickly because I was changing it up throughout. My lungs were burning and so were my quads. Everything I was looking for in this workout! If you try it have fun!! All you need to get through a workout is a good playlist and a great mindset. :)

I don't go to the gym to look pretty. I get work done!

21 Day Clutch Cut --- COMPLETE!!

So, I have successfully completed the Clutch Cut on bodybuilding.com designed by professional athlete Ashley Conrad.

Did I get the results I wanted? Not exactly.
Did I see progress? Absolutely.
Was it worth it? Definitely.

These are my results:

                    Starting                                  Final                           The Math

Weight:          153               Weight:           146.5                Dropped 6.5 pounds
Body Fat %:   25.2              Body Fat% :    24.8                Down .4% body fat
Chest:             37in              Chest:             35in                  Down 2 inches
Arms:             12in               Arms:             11.75in             Down 1/4 inches
Hips:              40.5in            Hips:               38.25in            Down 1.75 inches
Waist:            36.5in            Waist:             35.5in               Down 1 inch
Thighs:           21.5in            Thighs:            21in                  Down 1/2 inch
Calves:           14in               Calves:           13.5in               Down 1/2 inch
Forearms:        8in                Forearms:       8in                   No change
Shoulders:       44in              Shoulders:       41in                 Down 3 inches

That's a total of 6.5 pounds, .4% body fat, and 9 total inches gone from around my body!

I definitely peaked week 2. Start to finish weekly comparison pictures.

These other pictures only compare start day and end day.

Now some of you reading this will be mad and say that I didn't need to lose weight or anything to begin with. Your opinion is just fine. However, I wanted to do this because I want to have a better physique. I wanted to feel strong and capable, and that's what I get when I enter and exit the gym. It transfers over to my entire life. Also, it has created a self-confidence that I haven't had before. With these programs on bodybuilding.com I am examining my body with new eyes. NO, I don't have the physique I desire, but truthfully I'm OKAY with that. Through exercise I have learned to look at my body in a new way. I am LOVING the things I notice about myself. I enjoy seeing my muscles grow and shape up. Its more about feeling better and loving myself as I am currently, but with this the result will end up with me being where I want to be physically. As Dana Linn Bailey says, "This is my canvas. This is my masterpiece."

Here is what I learned about myself (and others) over the last three weeks:

1. I still do not really like lemon water. It makes me feel like I'm drinking old, dirty water.
2. No matter how many people you tell you're doing a strict, clean-eating diet for whatever length of time they won't necessarily understand it. Some of them will actually try to derail you by telling you what they're eating, making foods you love but currently have to avoid, or, in some cases, shoving the food right up to your face and tempting you with a small bite.
3. When I run, I'm more likely NOT to give up when I know the end is near. Actually, during a run I will push myself HARDER when the end is near. Go out with a bang if you will. With this, I wanted to give up the diet during this past week BECAUSE the end was near. My thoughts started turning to, "well its over in 3 days. You can cheat." However, I didn't give in.
4. I learned that I'm able to push out more reps/sets than I think. My MIND stops me.
5. There is a difference between tired and burned out. Also, pushing through soreness and legitimate pain.

The diet & workouts & not getting to where I "desired" to be.

Okay, so I'm not going to lie. I'm a little disappointed that I didn't make as much progress as I wanted. Lo and behold I really only have myself to blame. Here is why:

1. I made up excuses on why I didn't want to go another round of the circuit. I really got tired of the same lift during the last week of the program. I could have definitely, probably done at least one more round with 12 reps minimum of each exercise.
2. I didn't have a personal trainer to call me out on that.
This last point I'm gonna argue by simply saying that this may be true or may not be (Its my own thoughts)
3. This program shreds celebrities down like no other in 3 weeks, but they also have the actual access to Ashley training them, and they are probably already in a low body fat range coming off of a previous movie. At least, a lower body fat range than I was.

Am I disappointed by my lack of fat loss? Not really.
This program was more or less a test of CAN I follow a strict diet plan? Especially if I would like to someday compete in a fitness show. The answer is now --- yes. I can. I did what I wanted.

Trust the process.

So it's been a week since my last update, but I am feeling vulnerable and motivated at the moment. I want to invite you to read this entire entry, even if it ends up being super long, because I'm going to open up to you about who I am and where I'm coming from. Most importantly, I'll show you the inspirations that I am following to take me to where I want to be.

Many, if not all of you, know I moved 2,200 miles away from everything I've ever known to chase a dream to move out west and start my career. I do not regret that decision for one hot second, but I do not know where I'll be in a year from now or longer. So please, don't ask me about my long term goals. Nothing sets off my anxiety more than the unknown and looking too far into the future. I do know that someday I'd like to become more involved in the fitness industry, but I'm not sure exactly how or when that will happen. I do also know that I am learning to trust in the process, however slow it might be, to gain progress both physically and mentally.

Moving out here was extremely terrifying, regardless of all the high-speed technology that allows me to connect with everyone I know. I still, one year later, only know a handful of people, and not many of them understand my need to get into a gym to relieve my stress and anxiety.That's my number one way to cope with life's difficulties that are thrown my way -- exercise until you feel better. I do know that I don't know everything about health, fitness, and proper nutrition for the lifestyle I want to lead, so I can utilize Instagram to my advantage. Through this, I am able to stay focused on where I want to be, while learning a bit more when I'm squeezed for time. I do also hit up bodybuilding.com for an endless amount of great resources as well.

These are the people I enjoy their posts the most and why:

Ashley Conrad -- she is a sponsored athlete for Adidas and a celebrity personal trainer. Her Clutch Cut program is the one I currently follow, and I have been able to learn to push my mind away from its "I'm too tired thoughts" when I know my body can do more. She inspires me because she took a huge risk to design a company while dropping out of med school (I believe it was med school) to follow what was her greatest desire and calling. She has put everything on the line, and made it through to the end. She is incredibly inspiring and positive. I just love her posts.

Dana Linn Bailey & Rob Bailey -- They are incredible people. I admire the Warhouse Gym that they have opened together and the Flag Nor Fail line of clothing they created. Every single time I see an anchor (their logo) I am reminded that I cannot give up on myself. Sure, they've seen hard times, but they have never given up on their dreams and I shouldn't either. Dana's physique is incredible to me because that requires so much hard work and dedication to what she does. You cannot achieve what she has without it. That kind of mindset is admiring. I should also mention that their incredible love for Pitbulls also adds mega bonus points in my book. 

Devin Physique -- I admire him because he has built himself up from literally nothing. He shares his story all the time on instagram, but he flows NOTHING but positive energy. He is teaching me to re frame my mindset to "Yes, I CAN reach my goals." His posts are nothing but positive (even if some are long). I can't stop myself from reading them. And he posts adorable pictures of his puppies also. 

Jamie Eason -- This woman is downright incredible. Jamie has survived breast cancer, and triumphed in the fitness industry. She is a Godly woman, and faced hardship when she and her husband faced what was likely infertility. Now she is a mother to the world's most adorable little boy and really seems to have her life balanced. 

Jessie Hilgenberg -- Jessie seems to have a heart of gold. I love her posts. She is currently expecting her first child with her husband, and has really made a point to continue her fitness routine and posting it for the world to see. I admire that because pregnancy and lifting weights is frowned upon as far as most of the society is concerned. However, she is showing the world that you can still be fit and pregnant. Not to mention, I am DYING to go to her strong camp someday. 

Nate Diesel -- My most recent find on Instagram. This is his transformation, and I haven't been following him very long. I love his posts though, because they make me smile and laugh. He is silly and his personality shines right through. I'm sure he would be a real hoot to hang out with!

Now, all of these people are great to follow on Instragram. However, I don't want you to think I have no one in my life that I can use as a real crutch. My family and friends mean so much to me, and I know that they will catch me when I'm falling. Their support is incredible. I'm learning to love myself and the life I'm living one day at a time. I'm progressing and focusing on loving myself completely (jiggly parts included) and looking toward an even bigger, brighter, future!

Day 5 & 6 -- Cardio & lifting

Sorry I'm late here!! I just kind of forgot. Let me tell you though, that living a certain way that "differs" from the norm (ie. eating anything you want when you want) is something that others cannot wrap their head around! With the clutch cut I have to eat every three hours ... on the dot. So, yesterday I took my almonds with me to mini-golf because I knew I wouldn't be home in time for  my three hour meal time. I got ridiculed for the fact that my almonds were the base of my meal! What this guy didn't bother to ask me was what else I had eaten that day. I specifically designed this day knowing I'd need a fast, quick on the go meal and almonds provided me with the remaining fat, carbs, and protein I needed for the day. I stocked up my other meals earlier in the day. Truth be told, when it came to eating time, I wasn't even hungry! I know I'm getting the nutrients I need for this according to the clutch cut plan, but people don't always understand your lifestyle. You have to hold strong and believe in yourself!

With all that being said, I've woke up tired yesterday and today looking for excuses to not get out of bed at 8 am. But if I don't get up then, I won't have the same routine of eating times. So I get up and get started anyways because we grow outside of our comfort zones. :) I'm anxious to see where my progress is going but I don't want to set foot on a scale because I'm afraid it will hinder my intensity since I'm following the program as close as possible. If I don't see what I think I should see I might be more likely to give into those excuses. So no measuring or anything until day 21!

Cardio was yesterday. It was pretty rough. Got my sweat on! I have to give myself a minute break at the halfway point and then I break up my sprints when I'm super exhausted with a 30 second break (usually the last three sprints & then I have to decrease speed by about .5 because my all out is running out!!). I DO finish the workout because that's what is going to get me where I want to be. Finishing. It may not be exactly according to plan, but I'm getting it done the best way that I can!

Today was lifting. I wanted to try to do four rounds of it, but I only did 3. Why? Because by the third round I would have to rest at about rep 12 for a breath or two and then I would pump out 3 more. Why didn't I just stop at 12? Well, because if I can't do 15 for three rounds without pausing I don't have much business trying a fourth. As long as I am huffing and puffing and pushing myself past my comfort zone and NOT listening to my mind that says, "You're tired. You should stop now." then I can grow. Your mind will talk you out of exercise long before your body is ready to quit!

Day 4 -- I am a winner!!!

CELBRATION!! I made it through four days without breaking diet & no cravings. I also went down to the strip tonight with friends to see a band and I didn't buy anything! Double success! No food (though it smelled good & no drinks -- even socially). That's my issue when things look or smell good! I'm all over them. However, I have been holding up well in the willpower department! I am proud of myself! Yay for small victories!

I should mention that I didn't really want to get up at 8 with my alarm simply to start my day off right & eat. I did. And my workout today was exhausting!

Day 3 -- Rest Day

Well today is marked as a rest day! I wasn't sure how it was going to go because of the not working out as a part of the hourly schedule, but actually its been very relaxing! Tonight, in about an hour and a half, I'm gonna go to a yoga class for the first time in 3 weeks! Ugh! I've missed it!

Thursday I'm going to talk to the Insanity and p90x master trainer for Las Vegas about different opportunities I could use as a second source of income to 1. fuel my dreams and 2. Maybe help me get a new car and/or pay off my student loans. I hope he has the time for me!

Anyway, so day 3 has been going well! I still have no cravings -- for the most part. I have found myself letting my mind wander to things I would love like a doughnut, iced coffee, and frozen yogurt, but I don't want to fall off the bandwagon PLUS I'm saving money by not allowing myself to go off the bandwagon so its a win-win in my book. I've also been tested with my roommate baking brownies (I had a bite but it still fit my calorie/macro count accordingly) and this morning with his delicious smoothies (I turned it down -- so sad.) So I guess I'm learning that my will power is much higher than I thought! It is difficult though living with a basically master chef who makes good eats ALL THE TIME!

Clutch Cut -- 21 Days of Hardcore work!

Okay, so yesterday I started the Ashley Conrad 21-Day Clutch Cut. Man, it is HARD! That is an understatement. I wanted to document the journey. On Saturday, I measured myself with a measuring tape and checked my body fat percentage and weight so I can compare at the end of the 21 days. I'm NOT checking in between. I also took before pictures, and I will take after pictures to compare visually where I started and where I have come to.

Since its already day two I will fill you in on what I wrote physically yesterday, and I will try to write each day from here on out!

So Day 1 --- Today was, well, hard. Workout didn't go as I had planned because I was distracted at the gym about the status of my car problems. I only did 3 sets of the circuit. Food status: GOOD! I have only got hungry about 25 minutes before its chow time so I guess the portions are on point! (So far) I haven't craved anything.

Day 2 -- I avoided my urge to eat the delicious chocolate chip cookies at the young adults group last night. GO ME!! Anyway, today I was incredibly nervous about the difficulty of the workout. I started off great! But I couldn't keep the speed up for the entire workout so I had to drop my levels a bit, but tried to keep as close to the original levels within 1 speed. The only exception was the sprint I ended up dropping down to a level 8  for 3 sprints :( But I finished off at a 9. Then the abs was pretty intense because I was fatigued already. I only did 3 circuits of those, and did not preform the army crawl simply because I lacked the space. I wore a long sleeve shirt and active pants, and there was only a small dry spot left by the time I left the gym today. Totally earned that shower today! So far I've been good with food, but I'm only 2 of 5 meals in.

Why I yoga & the cost of "clean eating"

In a dream last night, I had a dream that I was writing this post about yoga. So therefore, I'm going to post about yoga. However, additionally, I want to post about the cost of clean eating.

Here goes:

Why do I do yoga?
I used to hate yoga. I felt that it hurt me more than it helped me. I tried a class in college at my student recreational center and came out with more pain in my lower back than when I had gone in. You see, growing up, I was a big fan of gymnastics and tumbled for hours in my yard. I was not bad, probably the best in my neighborhood group of friends, but my parents could not afford to send me to actual lessons so I settled for my front yard and trampoline. I taught myself everything I know about gymnastics, including a back-handspring. (I accidentally did a back tuck -- once. I wasn't stupid enough to try that one on my own though.) I was quite good at back-walkovers and could complete several in a row. One day, I took that too far and injured my back. I had to slump forward to relieve pain for days. I re-injured my back trying to nail a backward one and a half flips off the one meter diving board my senior year of high school. To be fair, it was my favorite dive. Since those incidents, I have had back pain, and as far as I was concerned yoga didn't help that.

Spring forward about 5 years to where my co-worker forced me to do an entire day of yoga with our physical education classes. I survived with only mild lower back pain, and I was sure that if I continued to go to yoga classes then I might find relief. Do not ask me why I was determined that this would solve my problem, but I was sure it would. I couldn't even lay on my stomach for more than two minutes without feeling discomfort in my back. So I forced myself, begrudgingly, to attend at least ONE one-hour yoga session a week at my gym starting in January. (No, this was not a resolution, but it could appear that way.) Then, when I realized I did not die or hurt too horribly, I started to check out the other yoga classes to see if I liked different instructors and their methods. By middle of February, I was going to three classes a week and actually saw myself improving with flexibility and actually enjoyed it! Now, I can lay on my stomach for longer periods of time, and one night actually fell asleep on my stomach. That was impressive when I woke up several hours later needing to re-position because my arms fell asleep.  I should also mention that I started to go to yoga to help improve my squat range without falling over when I had weight on my shoulders. I am now a firm believer that yoga has improved my lifting and my back injury. I'm back to only 1 time a week because that's just how my current schedule rolls, but I look forward to it each week!

The cost of clean eating
A lot of people believe that clean eating costs more than your current diet does, and to some extent that can be true. I used to believe this too. However, when I made a conscience decision to leave the processed food behind and pick up more whole foods for weekly meal preps I learned that I was actually spending about the same in cost. You see, when you trade in the granola bars for rice you're actually saving money. You can get a pound of rice at the store for less than a dollar and it will last you for about two weeks if you're a female about the same size as me. (5'4" approx 150 pounds) Granola bars come with only about 5 in a pack for 2 dollars, and you are likely to eat more than one in a sitting. At most, you will have one a day for 5 days. Not even a full week! See what I'm saying here? I also understand that you're concerned about the costs of protein, but truth be told there are other ways around this as well. I learned this through watching a YouTube video from Jay Cutler I believe. He actually got tuna (which is super cheap) and beef for his week. While protein can be costly, you'll be left feeling satisfied and fuller compared to the "meals" you can buy in a bag that are packed with sodium and processed foods. In return, you won't be needing to eat as much and nor will you have a sudden unquenchable thirst.

Yes, the initial cost of clean eating can be expensive because you'll probably need to get spices. However, you won't need to be getting spices every week. You will have those for a while. Also, if the cost is too much to do all at once, make small transitions. Maybe buy some tuna and rice and only get one or two spices to start. Then next week get a few more spices. Before you know it your pantry will be filled with the spices you need to make your meals taste well and keep you satisfied longer. :)