Trust the process.

So it's been a week since my last update, but I am feeling vulnerable and motivated at the moment. I want to invite you to read this entire entry, even if it ends up being super long, because I'm going to open up to you about who I am and where I'm coming from. Most importantly, I'll show you the inspirations that I am following to take me to where I want to be.

Many, if not all of you, know I moved 2,200 miles away from everything I've ever known to chase a dream to move out west and start my career. I do not regret that decision for one hot second, but I do not know where I'll be in a year from now or longer. So please, don't ask me about my long term goals. Nothing sets off my anxiety more than the unknown and looking too far into the future. I do know that someday I'd like to become more involved in the fitness industry, but I'm not sure exactly how or when that will happen. I do also know that I am learning to trust in the process, however slow it might be, to gain progress both physically and mentally.

Moving out here was extremely terrifying, regardless of all the high-speed technology that allows me to connect with everyone I know. I still, one year later, only know a handful of people, and not many of them understand my need to get into a gym to relieve my stress and anxiety.That's my number one way to cope with life's difficulties that are thrown my way -- exercise until you feel better. I do know that I don't know everything about health, fitness, and proper nutrition for the lifestyle I want to lead, so I can utilize Instagram to my advantage. Through this, I am able to stay focused on where I want to be, while learning a bit more when I'm squeezed for time. I do also hit up bodybuilding.com for an endless amount of great resources as well.

These are the people I enjoy their posts the most and why:

Ashley Conrad -- she is a sponsored athlete for Adidas and a celebrity personal trainer. Her Clutch Cut program is the one I currently follow, and I have been able to learn to push my mind away from its "I'm too tired thoughts" when I know my body can do more. She inspires me because she took a huge risk to design a company while dropping out of med school (I believe it was med school) to follow what was her greatest desire and calling. She has put everything on the line, and made it through to the end. She is incredibly inspiring and positive. I just love her posts.

Dana Linn Bailey & Rob Bailey -- They are incredible people. I admire the Warhouse Gym that they have opened together and the Flag Nor Fail line of clothing they created. Every single time I see an anchor (their logo) I am reminded that I cannot give up on myself. Sure, they've seen hard times, but they have never given up on their dreams and I shouldn't either. Dana's physique is incredible to me because that requires so much hard work and dedication to what she does. You cannot achieve what she has without it. That kind of mindset is admiring. I should also mention that their incredible love for Pitbulls also adds mega bonus points in my book. 

Devin Physique -- I admire him because he has built himself up from literally nothing. He shares his story all the time on instagram, but he flows NOTHING but positive energy. He is teaching me to re frame my mindset to "Yes, I CAN reach my goals." His posts are nothing but positive (even if some are long). I can't stop myself from reading them. And he posts adorable pictures of his puppies also. 

Jamie Eason -- This woman is downright incredible. Jamie has survived breast cancer, and triumphed in the fitness industry. She is a Godly woman, and faced hardship when she and her husband faced what was likely infertility. Now she is a mother to the world's most adorable little boy and really seems to have her life balanced. 

Jessie Hilgenberg -- Jessie seems to have a heart of gold. I love her posts. She is currently expecting her first child with her husband, and has really made a point to continue her fitness routine and posting it for the world to see. I admire that because pregnancy and lifting weights is frowned upon as far as most of the society is concerned. However, she is showing the world that you can still be fit and pregnant. Not to mention, I am DYING to go to her strong camp someday. 

Nate Diesel -- My most recent find on Instagram. This is his transformation, and I haven't been following him very long. I love his posts though, because they make me smile and laugh. He is silly and his personality shines right through. I'm sure he would be a real hoot to hang out with!

Now, all of these people are great to follow on Instragram. However, I don't want you to think I have no one in my life that I can use as a real crutch. My family and friends mean so much to me, and I know that they will catch me when I'm falling. Their support is incredible. I'm learning to love myself and the life I'm living one day at a time. I'm progressing and focusing on loving myself completely (jiggly parts included) and looking toward an even bigger, brighter, future!

Day 5 & 6 -- Cardio & lifting

Sorry I'm late here!! I just kind of forgot. Let me tell you though, that living a certain way that "differs" from the norm (ie. eating anything you want when you want) is something that others cannot wrap their head around! With the clutch cut I have to eat every three hours ... on the dot. So, yesterday I took my almonds with me to mini-golf because I knew I wouldn't be home in time for  my three hour meal time. I got ridiculed for the fact that my almonds were the base of my meal! What this guy didn't bother to ask me was what else I had eaten that day. I specifically designed this day knowing I'd need a fast, quick on the go meal and almonds provided me with the remaining fat, carbs, and protein I needed for the day. I stocked up my other meals earlier in the day. Truth be told, when it came to eating time, I wasn't even hungry! I know I'm getting the nutrients I need for this according to the clutch cut plan, but people don't always understand your lifestyle. You have to hold strong and believe in yourself!

With all that being said, I've woke up tired yesterday and today looking for excuses to not get out of bed at 8 am. But if I don't get up then, I won't have the same routine of eating times. So I get up and get started anyways because we grow outside of our comfort zones. :) I'm anxious to see where my progress is going but I don't want to set foot on a scale because I'm afraid it will hinder my intensity since I'm following the program as close as possible. If I don't see what I think I should see I might be more likely to give into those excuses. So no measuring or anything until day 21!

Cardio was yesterday. It was pretty rough. Got my sweat on! I have to give myself a minute break at the halfway point and then I break up my sprints when I'm super exhausted with a 30 second break (usually the last three sprints & then I have to decrease speed by about .5 because my all out is running out!!). I DO finish the workout because that's what is going to get me where I want to be. Finishing. It may not be exactly according to plan, but I'm getting it done the best way that I can!

Today was lifting. I wanted to try to do four rounds of it, but I only did 3. Why? Because by the third round I would have to rest at about rep 12 for a breath or two and then I would pump out 3 more. Why didn't I just stop at 12? Well, because if I can't do 15 for three rounds without pausing I don't have much business trying a fourth. As long as I am huffing and puffing and pushing myself past my comfort zone and NOT listening to my mind that says, "You're tired. You should stop now." then I can grow. Your mind will talk you out of exercise long before your body is ready to quit!

Day 4 -- I am a winner!!!

CELBRATION!! I made it through four days without breaking diet & no cravings. I also went down to the strip tonight with friends to see a band and I didn't buy anything! Double success! No food (though it smelled good & no drinks -- even socially). That's my issue when things look or smell good! I'm all over them. However, I have been holding up well in the willpower department! I am proud of myself! Yay for small victories!

I should mention that I didn't really want to get up at 8 with my alarm simply to start my day off right & eat. I did. And my workout today was exhausting!

Day 3 -- Rest Day

Well today is marked as a rest day! I wasn't sure how it was going to go because of the not working out as a part of the hourly schedule, but actually its been very relaxing! Tonight, in about an hour and a half, I'm gonna go to a yoga class for the first time in 3 weeks! Ugh! I've missed it!

Thursday I'm going to talk to the Insanity and p90x master trainer for Las Vegas about different opportunities I could use as a second source of income to 1. fuel my dreams and 2. Maybe help me get a new car and/or pay off my student loans. I hope he has the time for me!

Anyway, so day 3 has been going well! I still have no cravings -- for the most part. I have found myself letting my mind wander to things I would love like a doughnut, iced coffee, and frozen yogurt, but I don't want to fall off the bandwagon PLUS I'm saving money by not allowing myself to go off the bandwagon so its a win-win in my book. I've also been tested with my roommate baking brownies (I had a bite but it still fit my calorie/macro count accordingly) and this morning with his delicious smoothies (I turned it down -- so sad.) So I guess I'm learning that my will power is much higher than I thought! It is difficult though living with a basically master chef who makes good eats ALL THE TIME!

Clutch Cut -- 21 Days of Hardcore work!

Okay, so yesterday I started the Ashley Conrad 21-Day Clutch Cut. Man, it is HARD! That is an understatement. I wanted to document the journey. On Saturday, I measured myself with a measuring tape and checked my body fat percentage and weight so I can compare at the end of the 21 days. I'm NOT checking in between. I also took before pictures, and I will take after pictures to compare visually where I started and where I have come to.

Since its already day two I will fill you in on what I wrote physically yesterday, and I will try to write each day from here on out!

So Day 1 --- Today was, well, hard. Workout didn't go as I had planned because I was distracted at the gym about the status of my car problems. I only did 3 sets of the circuit. Food status: GOOD! I have only got hungry about 25 minutes before its chow time so I guess the portions are on point! (So far) I haven't craved anything.

Day 2 -- I avoided my urge to eat the delicious chocolate chip cookies at the young adults group last night. GO ME!! Anyway, today I was incredibly nervous about the difficulty of the workout. I started off great! But I couldn't keep the speed up for the entire workout so I had to drop my levels a bit, but tried to keep as close to the original levels within 1 speed. The only exception was the sprint I ended up dropping down to a level 8  for 3 sprints :( But I finished off at a 9. Then the abs was pretty intense because I was fatigued already. I only did 3 circuits of those, and did not preform the army crawl simply because I lacked the space. I wore a long sleeve shirt and active pants, and there was only a small dry spot left by the time I left the gym today. Totally earned that shower today! So far I've been good with food, but I'm only 2 of 5 meals in.