Life continues, and we move forward.

So, side note, its been a year and a half since I've posted. I don't even know if these are relevant posts anymore, so I'll read after my entry.

Back to the point... 

Its truly hard to put yourself out there, on a limb, and wait in limbo for 14 weeks, only to find out the net you thought was there to catch you isn't at all. You fall, land, ugly cry it out, feel all the emotions, and then try to pick yourself back up. Life doesn't stop, and life doesn't care. This is all too familiar to me in my lifetime.

I've recently completed a challenge, well two challenges, and lost both of them. One was certainly not surprising when its a worldwide challenge, but the other I sure did have my hopes up high and tried my damn hardest to be the winner. In the end, life and God said otherwise, and I'm left on the west coast, without my family, to pick up the pieces of my broken heart alone. Hence, my bloggging. I need to get this all out of my head. 

All my life, I've dreamed of becoming someone that inspired others, and someone who was recongizable. As I get older, the more I wonder if that dream will ever come true and what the purpose of my life really is. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels EVERYWHERE I go. SERIOUSLY. On top of that, I feel like I can't express myself fully without judgement from others and without stirring up the water and causing problems I don't need or want. 

The truth is, after having my hopes up so damn high for the outcome of this challenge after making the top 24, I'm not sure I will compete in another one if there is ever another one. I can't handle the disappointment of putting myself out there for something that would make my dreams come true, just to be denied. But at the same time, if I never try, I will certainly never get where I want to be.